Hunt County | Lake Tawkoni, Texas  —

It all started on a cold December morning in a lonely gas station and bait shop in a small town in East Texas. It was a frigid 6:00 am, and the drive from Dallas had taken around an hour, at which time Southpaw and I had drowned our bellies with a couple of Venti Komodo Dragons with double shots of expresso to wake us up! 

When we arrived at the bait shop, our insides were a ‘rumbling and making all sorts of weird and gaseous sounds. I could see it in his face; Southpaw was hurting. As the mild-tempered man I had become, I ceded the opportunity to enter the men’s room first.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

As I calmly waited my turn, the minutes seemed to turn into hours as the eruption of Mount Doo-suvius was getting near, and no mortal being could stop it!

I scanned the bait shop and saw several old-timers sitting at the back in a small café area. I listened closely to the old men in an attempt to distract myself from the oncoming eruption, I heard the old anglers talking about a monster catfish that no man could catch. As I listened in, I took mental notes of what the old anglers were saying, but alas, time had run out, the eruption was about to commence.

Southpaw was still taking his sweet time in the men’s room, and I figured I would proabably need a gas mask to enter after him, so I looked around one last time and saw one solitary, large woman behind the cash register. So, I bolted into the ladies’ room and just made it before the eruption, and just in the nick of time, and without suffering any precursors or fumarolic activity, which usually accompanies giant eruptions.

The Monster Tale is Born

As I deeply exhaled and pondered life for a moment, the tale of “Big Tail Bill” came to mind, and a monster catfish tall tale was born. I quickly took care of business and exited the ladies’ room to find a line of ladies waiting for me to vacate the premises. The large cash register lady eyed-me over with a look of utter disdain and with a loud, boisterous voice said, “Sir, who do you think you are? That there is the ladies’ room you just ran into! I never want to see you in my store again!”

After being verbally assaulted in that manner, I wondered if I was banned from the bait shop, the café area, or the gas station store altogether. I calmly looked at the line of ladies, then focused my attention on the large cashier lady and exclaimed, “How do you know, I'm not a lady?”

At that, the line of ladies erupted in laughter, but my charismatic charm did not amuse the large cashier lady. Oh no, my gentlemen antics and Jedi mind tricks were no match for the likes of this woman. Right away, I scurried out with my tail between my legs, albeit happy that a messy eruption was thwarted, and a new story was waiting to be told.